Talking is easy - communication, which means an exchange or communion with another, requires greater skill. An exchange that is a communion demands that we listen and speak skillfully, not just talk mindlessly. And interacting with fearful, angry, or frustrated people can be even more difficult, because we're less skillful when caught up in such emotions. Yet don't despair or resign yourself to a lifetime of miscommunication at work or home! Good communicators can be honed as well as born. Here are a few tips to get you started.

• Understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them.
  
• Remember that what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different! Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. Repeat back or summarize to ensure that you understand.
  
• Improve your listening skill. Most people think they listen well, but the truth is that most of people don't listen at all -- they just speak and then think about what they're going to say next. Goal for each individual needs to be to listen to what is being said. That way both people are heard!
  
• Respond don't react. Monitor your self as you attempt to communicate. Focus on understanding what is being said and clarifying if you heard correctly. This allows you time to process any reactions and address them in a healthy way.

Interpersonal Communication is Contextual - Communication does not happen in Isolation.

There is:

Psychological context - who you are and what you bring to the interaction. Your needs, desires, values, personality, etc., all form the psychological context. ("You" here refers to both participants in the interaction.)

Relational context - your reactions to the other person--the "mix."

Situational context - the psycho-social "where" you are communicating. An interaction that takes place in a classroom will be very different from one that takes place in a bar.

Environmental context - the physical "where" you are communicating. Furniture, location, noise level, temperature, season, time of day, all are examples of factors in the environmental context.

Cultural context - all the learned behaviors and rules that affect the interaction. If you come from a culture (foreign or within your own country) where it is considered rude to make long, direct eye contact, you will out of politeness avoid eye contact. If the other person comes from a culture where long, direct eye contact signals trustworthiness, then we have in the cultural context a basis for misunderstanding.

Useful Online Resources:

Seven Challenges of Cooperative Communication (Excellent Resource)

Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking