What To Do If You Think Someone Has a Problem

• Try talking to the drinker. Be tactful. "I've noticed some changes in you. Are you having any problems?"
• Site specific examples (documentation) "The last time I was with you, you drank so much you passed out."
• Avoid sermons, lectures, and verbal attacks.
• Keep an open mind about how he/she evaluates their situation.
• Don't continue conversation if you start getting impatient or angry.

Dealing with Defensiveness

• Make it clear that you dislike the behavior, not the person.
• If you drink, be honest about your own drinking and attempts to control it.
• Understand that the person's defensiveness is based on fear of facing the problem and is not directed at you.

Dealing with Denial

If your discussions have no effect, still tell person how their problem is affecting you. For example, you can say how hard it is to have a good time for fear that the person will get sick, pass out, embarrass you, etc.

Dealing with Agreement
You may choose to explore using the following questions:

• Why do you think you have a problem?
• What do you think you can do about it?
• What are you going to do about it?
• What kinds of support do you need from me to stop or limit your drinking?
  

Setting Limits
You may need to set limits on what you will do with or for the problem drinker.

• Let your friend know what your limits are and stick to them. For example, you may decide not to give them attention during or after drinking, you will not allow any drinking in your room/apartment, you do not want them coming to see you after they have been drinking.
• Limits, and sticking to them, are important particularly if a friend denies that they have a problem.
• Don't be manipulated into hiding or dumping liquor, or covering for the drinker in front of family, dates, or other friends. Protecting or lying will not work, instead it enables the drinker to continue inappropriate behavior.
• While it is important to be sensitive to your friend's needs to help with the problem, remember that you cannot control your friend's life. At some point your responsibility ends. Don't feel guilty when you reach that point.