Most relationships start out positive. People like each other, develop physical attraction and various levels of connectedness. Over time some relationships start to display trouble signs that need to be addressed. College students are always amazed to find out they have a friend who has been in or is in an abusive or violent relationship. It is more common than you might think but violence in relationships is not the norm and help is available. If a partner has done any of the following below seek help and leave the relationship. It is unsafe to stay in a relationship that is emotionally, sociologically and physically harmful.

• berated or belittled you (called you “stupid”, “ugly” or said “no one else would stay with you")
• hit, pushed, slapped or thrown things at you
• kept you from friends, family, attending classes, talking to professors
• goes to medical appointments with you
• forced you to engage in sexual activity against your will
• needs to know where you are and what you are doing at all times
• threatens to hurt himself/herself or you if you don't behave as he/she request
• blames you for their problems
• harasses, stalks or spies on you
• frightens you in any way
• made do you feel depressed, bad about yourself, exhausted or at times dysfunctional

Why would any one remain in a "bad" relationship?
People may stay because of fear, past experience in abusive family situations or a lack of resources to allow a change (i.e. no money or have dependent children, feel they are not worthy to be in any other kind of relationship).

Why would anyone abuse another?
They may fear that if they did not dominate their partner, the partner would leave. Many times people say they only had abusive role models. Many abusers experience problems with anger management and lack respect for others. They may think of others as objects or possessions.

Where to go for help:

For more detailed information on abusive relationships, come to the office of Health Promotion, Student Health Center or call 515-9355