Building Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships allow for individuality, bring out the best in both people, and invite personal growth.

Getting Close

Developing meaningful relationships is a concern for all of us. Getting close to others, sharing our joys, sorrows, needs, wants, affections, and excitements is risky business. What is it that interferes with us getting close to each other? Often it is one or more of these common fears:

1. Fear of becoming known as we really are. Opening ourselves to others and their reactions is not only difficult for us, but is puts a demand on others to be likewise.
2. Fear of pain and dissapointment. Mass media and advertisers have tried to convince us that we should be 100% happy 24 hours a day. Hurt, pain, dissapointment, and loneliness are not comfortable feelings, but they are human. Without the risk of experiencing them, one can never experience loving and being loved.
3. Fear of losing our freedom. Can I risk giving up some of mine to care about you without you wanting to take it all away? Can I be both close and separate with you?
4. Fear of being a taker as well as a giver. It is difficult for mos tof us to receive, yet if we don't, no one can experience the joy of giving to us.
5. Fear of judgement. People are reluctant to disclose themselves because they dread the moral judgement of their friends, family, minister, and the law.
6. Fear that showing love and affection is not proper. This is especially true for men, but NOT restricted to them. Somehow we have been convinced that this is a sign of weakness rather than a sign of courage.

REWARDS For Conquering Our Fears of Getting Close

If we learn to communicate effectively with others and are willing to risk sharing our own feelings and respect other's feelings, many rewards will await us as we learn to get close to another person.

Obviously, a very special relationship. Getting close means you can need someone else and he/she can need you. It means when you feel discouraged or upset, someone is there to comfort and care about you, and you can do likewise.

You acquire faith in yourself, faith in others, and an ability to be faithful to others. It enables you to live fully in the present and to have meaning and purpose for your own existence.

You become more sensitive to yourself, with choices about how, when, and where you wish to share your feelings. You KNOW when you are experiencing love, joy, anger, etc.

Other Useful Links:

Committed Relationships & School (U Illinois)

Common Expectations, Patterns, and 'Mistakes' in Relationships (U South Florida)

Long Distance Relationships ( U Wisconsin)

Coping with a Breakup (U Texas at Dallas)

How I can Be Wise about Online Dating

Fair Fighting: The Art of Managing Differences in Intimate Relationships (U Florida)

Emotional Verbal Abuse (U Cincinnati)

Addictive Relationships (U Illinois)

Is Your Relationship Heading into Dangerous Territory (U Texas at Austin)

Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships (U Cincinnati)

Is Your Relationship Abusive?

Violence in Relationships (George Washington U)

Establishing Sex Guidelines (Michigan State U)