Relationship/Dating Violence & Stalking: Myths and Realities
Misconceptions |
Reality |
A Facebook or My Space page, or outgoing IM message that lists all of my personal information is NOT dangerous. |
Instead of Googling, the new stalker wave is Myspacing (or Friendstering) someone’s info. You get photos, interests, addresses, what they did last week, this week, what they are doing tonight, tomorrow, and an idea of what the person’s friends are like. Because of all of this available information, you may become very easy to track. This is particularly dangerous if you are involved or were previously involved in a relationship with an abusive partner and/or unhealthy relationship, as most people are stalked by a current or former intimate partner. Keep as much personal information off of your page, and on a regular basis (at least once a month), type your name into Internet search engines to see what information, if any, pops up. To have your name removed from any directories, contact each search engine on which you are listed and request to be removed. |
Out of love for me, my partner is very jealous and always needs to know where I am. |
If the person you're dating really loves you, they wouldn't try to control you through jealousy. What's left unsaid is that they are insecure about their own feelings, and are unsure of themselves, and mistrustful. Jealousy and possessiveness are signs that the person sees you as a possession. It is the MOST common early warning sign of abuse as well as the MOST common “reason” for assaults in dating relationships. When a partner continually accuses the other partner of flirting or having an affair, and is suspicious of everyone the partner is with, the partner is being possessive and controlling. |
It is easy to break up with an abusive partner if you really want to. |
A classic form of "victim blaming," this myth takes all responsibility for the abusive behavior from the abuser and unjustly places it on the person being abused. People in a relationship with an abusive partner often make repeated attempts to leave, but are prevented from doing so by increased violence and control tactics on the part of the abuser. The most dangerous time for someone involved with an abusive partner is when they try to leave. (United States Department of Justice, National Crime Victim Survey, 1995). It has been estimated that the danger to a victim increases by 70% when they attempt to leave, as the abuser escalates the use of violence when they begin to lose control. People stay in relationships where they are being abused for a number of reasons: fear, economic dependence, confusion, loss of self-confidence, not recognizing that what´s happening is abusive, belief that the abuser needs their help or will change, love, few viable options for housing and support, unhelpful responses from the criminal justice/university system or other agencies, social isolation, cultural or religious constraints, a commitment to the abuser and the relationship and fear of further violence. |
Battering occurs only in heterosexual relationships. |
While it isn't clear just how common it is, battering does happen in same-sex relationships. The abuse is similar to that in heterosexual couples, but it is far more invisible in our society. |
Stalking is not a big deal. |
For most people, stalking evokes images of a stranger with evil intentions lurking around corners or behind bushes, or crazed fans stalking celebrities. The reality is that many college students, are stalked and the consequences are very dangerous:
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Women are just as abusive in relationships as men |
The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics reports that 95% of the reported incidents of assaults in relationships are committed by males. |
