Power and Control in Relationships with Someone who is Abusive

Abuse in relationships is described as the use of power and control by one person over an intimate partner. In most relationships where one partner is abusive, physical and sexual violence may be part of the violence, and may even be a rare event. The "Power and Control Wheel" created by the Domestic Violence Project, Inc. in Duluth, vividly portrays how this works within heterosexual relationships.

The spokes on the wheel illustrate the many ways an abusive partner may exert power and control. The outer rim of the wheel depicts physical violence. As long as the psychological abuse, threats and intimidation keeps a partner under control in the abusive partner’s mind, physical violence may be unnecessary. In many cases, all that is required is the threat of violence. This might explain why the abusive partner feels justified in blaming his/her victim for the need to hit or physically abuse him/her: she/he wasn't obeying, complying, doing her/his job, etc., so she/he needed to be punished or reminded of her/his duty.

Sometimes there is a pattern to the violence with violent episodes occurring in cycles and increasing in intensity and frequency over time. In other cases there does not seem to be a pattern to the abusive behaviors and the violence is more sporadic.