For Parents and Friends of Survivors
As a Friend or Family Member, you have the potential to have a powerful impact and influence over your loved one. They may recognize you as a safe person to talk to, so in the event that a loved one becomes the victim of a sexual assault (or has been in the past), they may decide to open up to you. It is important that you be prepared to handle this type of situation with concern and confidentiality.
Rape and sexual assaults are crimes that affect many people close to the survivor. The survivor is the primary victim, but the co-survivors (friends, family, partners, co-workers, roommates, etc.) become secondary victims to the crime because they too are affected by the situation. Many co-survivors do not know what to do or where to go for help, or they may feel that they have no role. Co-survivors must respond to their feelings and emotions in regard to the incident, and everyone will respond differently.
A survivor of sexual violence has experienced a crime in which their control and right to make decisions regarding their body was taken away. It is natural to feel a loss of power following a sexual assault, so it should be emphasized that surviving is an accomplishment – surviving a sexual assault is a testament to the individual’s strength. Encourage the person you support to claim the label of SURVIVOR, rather than victim, as a tool of empowerment.
How can you support the survivor?
- Believe the survivor and tell them so.
- Do not blame the survivor for the assault. Tell them “It’s not your fault.”
- Listen to the survivor.
- The survivor may go through periods of denial. Do not push them to talk, but do not assume they are recovered.
- Accept the survivor’s reactions, whatever they may be.
- Address immediate concerns, particularly medical issues. Help them identify options.
- Do not take control of the situation. Letting the survivor make decisions will be empowering. Support their decisions.
- Help the survivor identify a support system. Encourage them to seek counseling or help from resource link.
- Be patient and let the survivor recover at their own rate. This may take weeks, months, or years.
- Do not ignore your own feelings, but do not let them overshadow the feelings of the survivor.
- Confront your own fears and biases about sexual assault. Educate yourself, seek counseling.
